Meaning Behind My Business Name (a.k.a. why I think motherhood is MESSY)

 Hello!

It's day 3 of my blogging challenge!  Let's get started:

What does motherhood mean to you?

I have thought about this question for a couple hours today, and this is what I came up with:

•  It is holding the crying baby 30 minutes after bedtime when all I want to do is enjoy my Oreo's and milk in peace and quiet. 
• It is guilt crying when I lashed out in frustration at the mess made in the kitchen.
• It is not remembering what it is like to have a consistent sleep schedule.
• It is not remembering anything anymore.
• It is squeezing into those old jeans and avoiding mirrors. 
• It is laughing at something silly that was said by the toddler.
• It is early morning snuggles before getting up for breakfast.
• It is slowing down and doing things in "toddler time".
• It is full of sweet memories.

I always knew that motherhood would be hard. I am the second oldest of 6 kids and did my fair share of babysitting, both my siblings and other people's kids. I knew that there was a lot of responsibility and juggling multiple things that came with it.

I remember when I was about 11, I informed my mom I could do her job better than she could. She coolly said "Okay. You be mom, and I will be you." She then proceeded  to grab a book, and went to read on her bed. I thought to myself, "I got this!" and went for it. After doing dishes, sweeping the floor, starting a load of laundry, resolving a sibling fight, and pulling out a load of dry clothes, I collapsed with exhaustion on my bed and decided I never wanted to be a mom.

Another experience related to being a mom was when I was in high school. I was helping my mom figure out what to make for dinner, and was feeling frustrated because we were out of a lot of things. With sudden clarity, it hit me that when I moved out and got married, I would be in charge of figuring out what to eat not just for dinner, but for breakfast and lunch too! That thought filled me with such horror, I dreaded ever moving out! Full-time meal planning??? No way!

All that being said, I was very unprepared for a lot of things about motherhood. Those two experiences barely touched it, although I had no idea at the time.

I was NOT prepared to get up to get the screaming baby...again...when my body was begging me for one more hour of sleep.

I was NOT prepared for how time consuming raising kids would be. Before I had Ira, I had a set routine that I followed precisely. I was super productive! I was reduced from daily Spanish lessons, memorizing scriptures, 2 hours of family history work, and uninterrupted time for crafts to changing dirty diapers and nursing 24/7. Talk about an adjustment!

And I was most certainly NOT prepared to let my kids learn, because it could take longer or AND made a mess. If I can do it faster and with a lot less mess, it is so not worth letting them do it themselves. Or at least that was my mindset.

Am I still a little bitter over my loss of sleep, routine, and overall efficiency and organization? You bet! It is hard some days when I wish I could just have it all back. But then I get hugs and slobbery kisses, hear silly laughing, and watch the gears in the boys' head turn with concentration, and then I remember why I love it. And it is in those moments that the bitterness melts away.

Do I think it is okay to be bitter? No, I don't. But I am suppose to be being honest here, and in all honestly, it can be a daily struggle to be more selfless instead of selfish. But I know that is normal, so I just work through it. I have been doing it long enough that I am seeing results from my efforts, which is motivation enough to keep going.

So that is the meaning behind my name, Messy Momma Life. Motherhood is beautiful, more beautiful than I EVER could have imagined! But most of the time, it is also full of tears, screaming children, spilled food and water, and poopy undies. It can be so hard to see the beautiful, when all you can see is the ugly. My goal is to embrace all of it (including the poopy undies), and make it beautiful.

It seems SO impossible sometimes, but when I finally respond in a good way to a negative situation, I am always filled with joy, which is what I live for!

Embrace your beautiful life, friends!